


Aren't You A Little Old To Be Playing Pretend?

by humanyubel



Series: What Can I Do For You? [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Emetophobia, Grief/Mourning, Light BDSM, M/M, Mutually Unrequited, Nonbinary Character, Other, Post Ceremonial Duel, Sex Toys, Trans Male Character, Unhappy Ending, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Tension, ambiguous genitalia, post-coital dysphoria, post-coital tristesse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 23:31:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7865734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanyubel/pseuds/humanyubel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm not him," Yugi says slowly, though they both know it he feels the need to vocalize what Kaiba would have preferred left unsaid.</p><p>"I don't expect you to be." his tone is clipped, words as icy as his stare.</p><p>"I know you want to pretend, Kaiba kun."</p><p>"I want closure. What do you get out of this?"</p><p>"Maybe I find you desirable?" he asks, tone challenging.</p><p>revised 8.27.16</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's over, isn't it?

**Author's Note:**

> my friend claire and i did a prompt
> 
> post ceremonial duel where kaiba goes to yugi in the hopes of finding closure
> 
> we did not peek at eachothers writing, so any similarities are completely unintentional and are due to the fact that we are both writing for the same prompt i just published mine sooner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seto’s chest clenches up with anxiety as he descends the stairs in search of his younger brother. He finds him sprawled out against the large cushions of the couch, T.V. screen still flashing colorfully “New Highscore!”

It’s been weeks since Atem’s-his rival’s departure into the afterlife… At this point Seto was unable to tell, grief erasing his body’s concept of time completely. Though he was loathe to admit it, especially to himself, he felt as though a part of him was missing. 

 

As if the will to better himself had vanished, the exhilarating feeling only one person gave him, was now limited to his dreams. For the first few weeks he found himself avoiding sleep, replaying the final minutes before Atem’s leave endlessly.  

 

Then the weeks after that had left him feeling drained. He found himself sleeping in excess for periods marginally exceeding eleven hours. In his dreams he imagined impossible scenarios. The “gods” returning Atem in his own body, dark skin contrasting against his crimson eyes, mouth open in a smile. In other dreams Atem had won, beating Yugi soundly, it didn’t matter much to him. He Wished for Atem to win, to not be bested by anyone other than him.

 

In many dreams he is dueling Atem, the rush of fire in his veins overwhelming. He imagines Atem beating him soundly as well, always winning, lips stretched in a smile just for him. That makes him feel almost as if he had won instead. In these dreams no matter how hard he tries Atem beats him gracefully.

 

While outside of his dreams he’ll deny it as much as he wants ( needs ) to, but in his dreams he can’t stop the feelings of elation and relief encompassing him. Filling his chest as air fills a balloon, filling it until it’s fit to burst.

 

He will deny himself the truth that his heart has known, he wanted to duel Atem to send him off, because he knew he’d lose. 

 

He dreams of falling to his knees from the force of Atem’s attack. Completely unashamed of his position. Dreams of Atem’s outstretched hand and kind smile. “I win, Seto.” he’d coo.

 

When he awakens from those dreams in particular his skin is feverish and clammy at the time time, eyes wide and unseeing, hand outstretched.

 

On what feels like the fourth year of his own person hell, he rises from bed, sore and with shaky knees. He rubs his stiff wrists and exits his room, still in his pyjamas. His hair falls into his eyes more than usual and he distantly thinks to schedule someone to come cut it for him. He wanders the quiet hall and peeps into his brother’s room, Mokuba is nowhere in sight. 

 

Seto’s chest clenches up with anxiety as he descends the stairs in search of his younger brother. He finds him sprawled out against the large cushions of the couch, T.V. screen still flashing colorfully “New Highscore!”

 

He walks to his brother’s prone form, knees giving out under him. He kneels there in front of his brother, stroking stray clumps of unruly hair out of his youthful face. Mokuba’s eyes flutter as he groans slightly. He licks his chaped lips before belearly opening his eyes to take in his surroundings. He immediately focuses on Seto, his eyes bugging out. 

 

“Brother!” he wails, tears filling his eyes as he launches himself into Seto’s hold. Seto’s reactions are sluggish but he pulls his brother closer to him with one hand, cradling Mokuba’s face with trembling fingers.

 

“You wouldn’t wake up and most of the time when you slept you’d have fever and you’d call his name out in your sleep and and!” Mokuba rushes out in a single breath. He doesn’t need to ask for clarification, the feeling in his stomach, like rocks crushing his insides at Mokuba’s words tells him everything he needs to know.

 

“Are you okay?” Mokuba asks, face leaning into Seto’s palm. His brother’s eyes look dull and his face is deathly pale.

 

“No...But I’m going to get better, for you.” his throat aches from dissuese. He resolves, wrapping both arms around Mokuba fully. He resituates the both of them so Mokuba can sit in his lap. Mokuba takes the opportunity to burry his face into Seto’s still sweaty neck. 

 

He can feel his brother’s pulse beat erratically, giving away his anxiety. He says nothing as Seto begins to hum quietly to calm him down. He knows it’s just as much to calm him down as it is for Seto to calm himself down. Seto rocks the two of them slightly.

 

“Are you mad at me?” Mokuba’s voice is small, further muffled by Seto’s neck. 

 

“What for?” Mokuba pulls away enough to look his big brother in the eyes.

 

“I was up really late playing video games to distract myself,” Kaiba offers him a small smile.

 

“It’s okay. You’re not upset with me for letting you down, are you?”

 

“You didn’t!” Mokuba hurriedly insists, tripping over his tongue.

 

Seto adjusts Mokuba in his arms, before rising. Mokuba doesn’t protest that he’s getting too old for that sort of treatment. He wraps his legs around his older brother and presses his face further into Seto’s neck. He’s unfazed by the sweaty flesh, even if his brother was covered in mud he wouldn’t dare let go. 

 

They leave behind the T.V. in the living room and the empty snack containers that are found littered around the couch. After he deposits Mokuba into his bed he sits at the top, back pressed into the headboard. When he looks down he sees Mokuba’s face is squished cutely into his pillow. 

 

“Tomorrow I’m going to get my haircut, would you like to get yours trimmed?” his voice is low and soft, lulling Mokuba further into drowsiness.  

 

“Sure…” he trails off like he intends to say more but when Seto looks he sees his brothers passed out.  He remains unmoving by Mokuba’s side long past the rising of the sun, he doesn’t feel like he’s blinked once in the span of time Mokuba spent sleeping. 

 

Mokuba wakes up with a loud yawn, stretching arms nearly whacking Seto in the face. When he sees his big brother’s still there he offers him a sleepy grin. Seto doesn’t smile back but he doesn’t have to.

 

“I’m going to make you waffles,” Seto says without looking behind him. Mokuba quickly changes out of yesterday's clothes and into something more comfortable as he hurries after Seto. 

 

“With chocolate chips?” Mokuba asks, eyes wide. During their trips to America he’d eat chocolate chip waffles every day for breakfast. He receives no verbal reply but when he sees Seto reach for the cupboard that contains the chocolate chips his suspicions are confirmed.   

 

He takes his seat at the table and swings his feet as he talks to Seto about absolutely nothing at all in hopes it will fill in the silence. None the less Seto listens with rapt attention, immensely relieved his brother wasn’t upset with his weakness. The warm, pleasant smell causes Mokuba to speak even more animatedly than before, smile never leaving his face.                   

 

When he finishes he piles the three waffles onto Mokuba’s plate, he resists the urge to shift uncomfortably at the look on Mokuba’s face. He was trained better than that. Mokuba eats his food with vigor, fork clinking against his plate. 

 

Seto watches Mokuba eat, hands folded in his lap. “You can go upstairs and shower after this then we can get out haircut.” It comes out sounding more like a statement than the suggestion Mokuba knows it is.

 

“Mmm!” he takes his plate to think sink for it to be washed later. He follows soon after, going for a change of clothes to at least look presentable. 

 

When he gets a glance at himself in the mirror he takes pause to stare at the foreign figure before him. His skin looks ashen, blue eyes dull, hair shaggy. He looks thinner than he did the last time he looked in the mirror, who knows how long that had been?  He knows it's been days since he’s eaten but finds himself unable to handle the thought of eating at the moment.

 

Funny how the great Seto Kaiba was reduced to this. 

 

He adds taking a shower to his list of things to do before he leaves the house with Mokuba.

 

When they reach the hair salon their driver parks the car and wordlessly unlocks the doors for the two siblings.

 

Seto emerges looking pristine as always, the aid of make up covering what didn’t need to be seen. Mokuba follows behind him, long hair swaying slightly in the breeze the city offered.

 

Seto’s presence naturally demands attention no matter where he is and it is no less true today. The person up front asks if he has an appointment or if he needs to set up an appointment.

 

“Appointment for Kaiba,” Seto says smoothly, voice never faltering.

 

“Right this way, sir.” another person says from behind the desk, Seto doesn’t bother correcting them. 

 

They take their seats and the person leaves to be replaced by another employee. “What would you two like today?”

 

“My hair is too long in the back, I need a few inches cut off and my bangs as well.”

 

“I need my hair trimmed to get rid of any split ends.”

 

The hair dresser hums softly in reply, getting the necessary things. Kaiba’s eyes are drawn to one of the T.V.’s on the wall that happens to be playing a rerun of a duel. It isn’t the sight that catches his attention, it's the announcer’s voice saying “Yugi Mutou” that does it. His heart races as excitement fills his veins. Seto watches the boy on the screen completely focused on him. When Seto saw it wasn’t who he had been hoping for, the disappointment settles heavy in his heart. Though Yugi Mutou wasn’t as interesting he found himself unable to look away.  He doesn’t hear the snips of scissors and the sound of a comb moving through hair.

 

His attention doesn’t falter even as the hair dresser wets his hair and begins to cut.

 

“How’s this? Do you need more off?” 

 

He isn’t paying attention but replies with a short “yes”.

 

“More?”

 

“Yes.” He watches Yugi play the dark magician and his heart clenches up in resentment at the action. Of course Yugi wins shortly after, the King of Games more than a silly title. He’s drawn out of his thoughts by Mokuba’s voice.

 

“Big brother…?”

 

He notices Mokuba is staring at his hair so he quickly looks into a mirror out of the corner of his eyes. He understands Mokuba’s surprise, his hair had never been this short before. He reaches back to touch the back. Sighing internally he pulls out his wallet to tip their hair dresser and pay for the hair cuts. He couldn’t do anything about it now, and it wasn’t as bad at Mokuba had made it seem.

 

On the car ride home he remembers the warmth that had coursed through him. His toes curl in his shoes at the confusing feeling, one he was used to when thinking of his rival or simply being in his presence. Mokuba is quiet as well, only glancing at Seto occasionally. It wasn’t as if he knew what Seto had resolved himself to do.

 

Their driver parks in front of their house, it’s only midday but Seto wishes to return to bed.

 

“I’ll be in.” Seto says in reply to Mokuba’s searching look. Mokuba hesitates before leaving and walking inside to look for something to eat.

 

Seto takes this time to pull out his cell phone and place a call. Though he was reluctant to do so, he had promised himself and Mokuba that he’d end this.

 

The line is picked up on the third ring, Yugi’s bubbly voice met his ears.

 

“Kame Game Shop how-”

 

“It’s Kaiba.”

 

“O-oh?” that seems to throw the boy for a loop. He hadn’t expected to talk to Kaiba for a long time, if ever again.

 

“How are you, Kaiba kun?”

 

“I need something from you.”

 

“What do you n-”

 

“I’ll be over in twenty minutes.” with that he hangs up his side of the call.

 

“Take me to the Kame Game Shop.” 

 

That feeling had been desire.

 

The driver shifts out of park and complies. On the way there Kaiba watches the sights come and go- not staying even if he wanted them to, like wisps of smoke. Like people best left forgotten.

  
Seto smiles bitterly at his own reflection.


	2. Isn't it over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though he’s never held importance in the idea of “first kisses” he feels a foreign part of him twinge with loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw part of the fic

Kaiba enters the game store while ignoring the “closed” sign. He had warned Yugi that he was coming. He finds Yugi behind the counter counting money in the register. Kaiba stands before him, arms at his sides. Kaiba’s presence naturally demands attention no matter where he is and it is no less true today. Yugi’s eyes flicker to him distractedly before realizing who he had been looking at. He lets out a gasp of surprise.

 

“Kaiba kun, is that you?” Kaiba mentally sneers, he had only gotten a hair cut, lost weight, and went through a depression induced sleep cycle.

 

“I told you I would be here.”

 

“Right, right. It’s uh… It’s good to see you. What did you need?”

Kaiba had been prepared for this, had mentally practiced what he intended to say in the car “I need you to fuck me, Mutou.”

 

Yugi’s eyes bug out of his head.

 

“Could you repeat that please I think I misheard you?”

 

“I said I need you to fuck me.” his voice steady and his eyes hard.

 

“Why?”

 

“Is it hard to believe that I may find you… desirable?”

 

Yugi snorts despite himself. Only Kaiba kun could make that sound unsexy.

 

“I never took me as your type?” Kaiba doesn’t interject to tell him that he _doesn’t_ have a type. “Tell me the real reason.”

 

“Maybe I just want you to dominate me?”

 

“Don’t you get that enough in duels?”

 

Kaiba doesn’t answer him and refuses to break eye contact.

 

“Am I unattractive?” he had never really thought about physical appearances like that, much less considered if he was attractive.

 

“It’s not that! You’re plenty attractive...it’s just…” Yugi trails off unsure how to finish. “If you want to then prove it by kissing me?” he offered, that seemed the safest option he had.

 

Kaiba paused “I’ve…” Yugi seems to understand what he means instantly, amethyst eyes flickering with some unnamed feeling. Yugi motions him to lean over the desk. While the silent request creates a spark of indignation in him he says nothing. He knew this would be easier than craning his neck down to make up for the height gap. He begrudgingly admires Yugi’s quick thinking. When he leans over and is in reach, Yugi places a hand on Kaiba’s shoulder to steady and guide him into a kiss.

 

Though he’s never held importance in the idea of “first kisses” he feels a foreign part of him twinge with loss.

 

Yugi guides him to move his head to the left as he deepens the kiss. He’s surprised to feel Kaiba kun give up all control, simply allowing himself to be lead through the movements.

 

Kaiba’s eyes are shut tight to block out the sight before him, tries to imagine a different mouth against his. His movements are less passionate than Yugi’s but Yugi quickly makes to rectify that. Sliding his tongue teasingly along Kaiba’s bottom lip. The surprise at and the ticklishness of the action has Kaiba’s lips parting in a muffled gasp.

 

Yugi takes this time to run his tongue along the white of Kaiba’s incisors. Kaiba can feel the slight tremors in Kaiba’s shoulders. When he parts from Kaiba a tiny trail of spit connects them for all of two seconds. Kaiba’s cheeks are flushed and his breathing comes out in small pants. It takes a few moments for Kaiba to come back into reality and when he finally does, his eyes flutter open.

 

He takes a moment to compose himself, doing his best to smirk. “Do you accept my offer?”

 

“I’ll have you.” Yugi confirms with a nod. Kaiba feels the urge to correct him but holds it back. Kaiba wasn't Yugi's to have. He wasn't willing to be anyone's. He had to play his cards right.

 

He straightens up when Yugi stands and follows him. Yugi takes his hand in his to lead him upstairs, Kaiba instinctively tearing his hand from the boy’s grasp. Yugi doesn’t comment or bring attention to Kaiba’s behavior.

 

By the time they reach Yugi’s room Kaiba’s skin is itching. So it’s no surprise that he slams against the door as soon as it closes behind him, dragging Yugi closer to him. He leans down to kiss Yugi, arms wrapping around Yugi’s shoulders. Without thought Yugi reaches out to grab Kaiba’s narrow hips in the hopes of steadying himself. He’s surprised by Kaiba’s sudden eagerness but thinks little of it as he quickly takes control of the kiss once more.

 

Kaiba’s hands unwittingly find themselves buried in Yugi’s hair. He groans as something in him clenches painfully. Yugi parts from him to trail kisses along his neck. Kaiba’s eyes open, unseeing. He feels disorientated. His vision focuses suddenly as a jolt of pleasure courses through him. His eyes lock on the jacket that’s merely a school jacket that just hangs lifelessly from the chair.

 

It must be silly to think about a jacket as though it too was possessed. His thoughts leave him once more as he’s bombarded with another rush of pleasure. He gasps at the feeling and looks down to see what was going on. Tricolored hair greets his eyes and all air leaves his lungs. He feels as if his knees are about ready to give out.

 

“A-” it had only been a trick of his mind, fooling him into believing anyone other than Yugi was before him. He feels sick to his stomach with disappointment.

 

"I'm not him," Yugi says slowly, though they both know it he feels the need to vocalize what Kaiba would have preferred left unsaid.

 

"I don't expect you to be." his tone is clipped, words as icy as his stare.

 

"I know you want to pretend, Kaiba kun."

 

"I want closure. What do you get out of this?"

 

"Maybe I find you desirable?" he asks, tone challenging. It’s Kaiba’s turn to snort at that. It sounded ridiculous.

 

“As if.”

 

Disregarding Kaiba’s comment Yugi continues. “I don’t mind, you need it.”

 

“You have no clue what I need, Yugi.” Yugi’s eyes darken at the challenge.

 

“I know you need to get on your knees.”

 

“What for?”

 

“Haven’t you ever heard of foreplay?”

 

Kaiba decides it wise not to bring up the point that he had never touched himself much less someone else.

 

“Now close your eyes and keep them closed until I give the okay.” Kaiba drops to his knees, eyes squeezed shut. Yugi was surely trying to humiliate him so he would not give in to the bright red blush that tried its hardest to appear on Kaiba’s face and he surely wouldn’t protest.

 

He hears rustling noises and the sound of what sounds like a belt being adjusted. Though he hears the sound of Yugi walking towards him, he stubbornly keeps his eyes closed. If anything he had his pride to follow through with promises to himself.

 

“You can open your eyes now Kaiba kun, you’ve been good.”

 

He’s greeted with a sight he never expected to see. Yugi’s pants are unbuttoned and unzipped to reveal a purple colored glass phallus. In one hand Yugi holds his school jacket. Kaiba is simply blown away by sight before him.

 

“If you want to stop you just have to tap my knee. If you don’t like something tell me.”

 

Kaiba nods, eyes still wide. He tries to compose himself and look less like a fool. Kaiba refuses to admit he’s hesitant about what to do. He looks up to meet Yugi’s eye, hoping to rile him up and have him take the lead with as little embarrassment as possible. A flash of fabric distracts him and as he watches on, pupils dilating, he sees Yugi close his eyes to compose himself. When he opens them once more he sees something reminiscent to _him_.

 

He gazes up in bewilderment, it feels strange to find himself caught off guard this often today. The one day he would be even remotely thankful for Gozaburro’s “training”. His heart stops as he feels a bout of warmth fill him.

 

He feels a careful hand thread through his hair to urge forward. Taking the initiative and trying to gain control of himself once more he leans forward. It’s ridiculous but he presses a kiss to the tip before licking around trying to lubricate it with his spit. With that kiss it’s easy to fall into a world of his own. A world Yugi had invited him to inhabit, if only for a few minutes.

 

_Kaiba closes his eyes and when he opens them again it’s Atem looking down at him, puffing out short exhales of pleasure. His sounds only spur Kaiba further on. Like a challenge issued from his rival he finds himself working to take more and more._

 

_He presses further, gagging a few times but he continues._

 

_“Slow down, don’t hurt yourself.” it’s Atem’s deeper voice that Kaiba hears. His full body shudders at his words. The concern in his voice better than the physical feeling of it. He looks up, eyes wide and cheeks flushed from the exertion and arousal. He sees Atem bowed over him, face contorted in lust and something else Kaiba doesn’t know but wants for his own._

 

_Atem only has eyes for him at the moment, eyes glazed over as he refused to break eye contact. Kaiba’s ego pulsed. This is something he had always wanted, something he got in their duels that made their entire fights more pleasing that he’d admit. He wanted Atem’s eyes on him, wanted to be the center of Atem’s world if only for a fleeting moment. When he’d get what he wanted he’d feel as though he were soaring, higher and higher, something within reach. Just as soon as the feeling would come, another would follow. A sinking feeling, a feeling of crashing to the ground would pass over his entire being as he was no longer the one that hold Atem’s attention._

 

_He’s filled with wants he isn’t sure he understands anymore. But it’d be a lie to say he understood his feelings for Atem at any time in his life._

 

_He almost wishes Atem would grab him by the hair and trust at his own pace. This wasn’t some game he could figure out the rules to. He was an unwitting player who had suddenly realized he was in the game. His pace feels awkward and wrong, surely it can’t feel good for Atem? Atem’s been making short noises that sound like half words, this drives him forward._

 

 _He hears snippets of a phrase, a warning? He isn’t sure but he continues regardless. “I’m-!” Kaiba watches as Atem moans, hips twitching. Kaiba notices the feeling of tension in his stomach he hadn’t noticed before become unbearable. When it finally feel ready to burst the world stops. Atem flickering away._ Kaiba watches Yugi huff a laugh, pulling away from him.

 

“It’s foreplay, we can get onto better things… if you’re still willing?” Kaiba’s fists clench as his hips buck seeking friction. He wasn’t aware he had done it at all.

 

“Well do you?”

 

Kaiba’s hazy mind can easily piece together what Yugi meant.

 

“Of course.”

 

Kaiba stands, trying to not bring attention to the way his thighs tremble.

 

“You know Jounouchi kun got this for me as a gift, I’m glad it had some use.”

 

“Don’t bring up the mutt when you plan on using it on me.” Kaiba huffs, revulsion at the thought of Yugi’s blond friend filling him.

 

Kaiba begins to strip, leaving his clothes on the floor by the bed in a neat pile. He doesn’t face Yugi as he hears the movement of fabric and the click of metal against metal.

 

He feels Yugi settle behind him, chest flush with his back. He feels small breasts against him and his mind supplies that Yugi simply must have taken off his binder. Arms wrapping around his midsection he feels Yugi lean up onto his tip toes to whisper near Kaiba’s ear.

 

_“Do you trust me?” it’s not hard for him to replace Yugi’s voice with Atem’s. His thighs tremble with desire and that’s the only outward reaction his body offers right now._

 

_“I trust you with Mokuba,” ( I trust you with my whole world ) he doesn’t say. He’s unable to fathom where the confession came from but he knows it to be true so he says nothing._

 

_“Is it okay to handcuff you to aibou’s bed?” Kaiba bites his lip to stifle a groan._

 

_“I don’t mind.” He feels Atem’s smile against the back of his neck. Kaiba lays on Yugi’s bed, hands above his head. He refuses to let the position embarrass him._

 

_Atem gently takes his wrists and handcuffs him to Yugi’s head board._

 

_“Are you comfortable?”_

 

_Kaiba bites back the retort already coming up his throat. Of course he was comfortable, having Atem look at him and only him with that level of concern was intoxicating. Instead he nods._

 

_Atem straddles Kaiba and swoops in to kiss him. This kiss is the gentlest yet and leaves Kaiba aching for more tender touches that speak of affection just as much as the previous kisses had told him of Atem’s lust._

 

_His entire body trembles against Atem’s as his heart soars. Atem brings his teeth to nip playfully at his ear lobe. “Let’s see if you enjoyed just a few minutes ago as much as I did?” Kaiba finds a part of himself validated that Atem had enjoyed his ministrations. Atem’s hand wanders down to the space between Kaiba’s. Kaiba spreads his legs without prompting. Shuddering at the sight of Atem’s hand disappearing between his legs as his rival kisses his neck._

 

_Atem is surprised by the amount of wetness he finds but smiles against Kaiba’s cheek. “You deserve to feel good too, you know? You don’t have to deny yourself everything.”_

 

_Kaiba’s mouth goes dry at Atem’s words, unsure of what to say. He settles on a haughty “Shouldn’t you be more worried about your own pleasure?” Atem shushes him, grinding his hand against Kaiba’s ache. Kaiba gasps._

 

_“I want you to feel good, Kaiba.” Atem begins “Do you want to be joined together?”_

 

_“Are you going to do it or not? I can go home.”_

 

_“There’s no need to rush while making love, Kaiba.” Making love? The term sounded too tender to Kaiba. But on another hand he found it appealing. He heard the uncapping of a bottle and briefly wonders what it is. It’s a minute of quiet. Atem takes his time mapping Kaiba’s neck with his lips and tongue._

 

_“What are you doing?”_

 

_“I’m warming it up for you, it’ll be better.” Kaiba’s curious but he knows that he’s meant to trust Atem. He’s aware he can stop at any time and he feels happy to have such power. His train of thought is derailed as he feels a slick finger trail from his left cheek to his entrance. He’s glad Atem had warmed the substance up or else he would’ve jumped a foot in the air at the sensation._

 

_He relaxes as Atem goes back to peppering kisses against his neck. When he slips a finger in at once, trying to get him used to the sensation, Kaiba doesn’t even notices. He throbs as Atem’s kisses become more slow and meaningful. He feels on top of the world, Atem’s attention focusing on only him. Atem brings their lips together again as he slips in a second finger, scissoring his fingers before curling inside of him. He gasps into Atem’s mouth, unable to focus on chasing Atem’s tongue with his own._

 

_He turns his head fully to look into Atem’s eyes properly._

 

_“You can add another, or don’t you want to carry through with it?” the fingers still inside of him, Atem’s face looking surprised and flushed. When he resumes he’s slower, every moment seeming to take eons._

 

_“If you ask nicely I can do it.” there’s a challenging look in Atem’s eyes, even though his face is flushed he smirks as if they were dueling._

 

_“...Please.” he doesn’t dare look away or blink as he gazes at Atem’s enchanting face. Dark red lips, parted to exhale. Atem adds another finger, stroking his insides. His heart nearly explodes when he sees the cocktail of emotion in his rival’s alluring eyes._

 

_“Just do it already, please.” He feels Atem pull away and nearly regrets asking. He hears the tear of a packet and strains to see Atem put it on. He tries to sit up, made slightly difficult by the handcuffs but he manages._

 

_“What are you doing?”_

 

_“I just want to see.”_

 

_Atem doesn’t question it. He watches with rapt attention as Atem slides inch by inch into him until they’re flushed together. He laughs in disbelief, only excitement in place of his usual annoyance. He wants nothing more than to hold Atem’s hand in this moment, to have Atem cradle his face his his hand as they kiss. Kaiba stays propped up long enough to watch the first few thrusts before the sight becomes too much and he’s forced to lay down again._

 

_Atem establishes a gentle rhythm and Kaiba can read the nervousness on his face. Like him his rival was mostly all talk in such matters. Leaning up he tries to capture Atem’s lips. Atem leans to him enough that it’s comfortable for the both of them._

 

_They kiss slowly and without worry, similar to the rhythm of their bodies.  Kaiba rocks back against Atem as Atem presses into him. It makes him feel revitalized to know he’s an active participant and that Atem had wanted to do this with him._

 

_Miraculously Atem’s jacket stays perched on his shoulders through it all. Kaiba starts to moan out his lover’s name when a phone ringing begins._

 

Once again Kaiba’s world changes and he’s left to watch in horror as Yugi reaches for his phone. Reading the caller ID he answers on the third ring.

 

“Hi Mokuba, what’s up? How’s school been?”

 

“It’s been really good, Yugi! I’m getting all A’s...but uh...is big brother there he left suddenly without telling me where he was going.”

 

“I’m glad! He’s here with me, he’s in the bathroom now but don’t worry Mokuba. I’m taking good care of him.”

 

“Alright Yugi, tell him I called, okay?”

 

“Have a good night, Mokuba. I will. Bye.”

 

Yugi sets the phone down again, smiling sheepishly at Kaiba. Kaiba’s ready to hiss at Yugi not to talk so casually to his little brother while being inside of him. The words are half way out of his mouth when Yugi speaks.

 

“Do you still want to continue.”

 

_And just like that Kaiba’s world is back in order. Atem smiling down at him, eyes twinkling with mischief._

 

_He arches his back in an attempt to press closer to Atem. “Of course I do, I don’t want to leave this unfinished.” Atem’s hands admiringly trace Kaiba’s bare torso, before starting once more. His left thumb brushes against a nipple by accident. Kaiba groans, embarrassed to have the most minuscule of things turn him on. Atem easily gets back into their rhythm. Kaiba sighs with satisfaction._

 

_“Maybe I should use Duel Monster’s terminology?” Atem teases._

 

_“You wouldn’t dare…”_

 

_“Kaiba, do you enjoy the power of my Sword of Revealing Light?”_

 

_Kaiba can’t control his laughter at the absurdity of such a question. Atem laughs along with him. Kaiba is struck by the feeling of pure joy at the chance he gets to laugh with Atem while being so intimately close to him._

 

_Unfortunately before long Kaiba is confronted with the feeling from before only it doesn’t stop coiling tighter._

 

_“I’m-?”_

 

_Atem leans in to press a loving kiss against Kaiba’s lips and that’s the end. He pulls away enough to let Kaiba breathe and Kaiba sees white. Above him stands Atem, hand outstretched to him. His smile is kind, but his eyes hold sorrow in them. Kaiba reaches out only to be stopped. He can’t move his hands. He tries harder but the harder he tries the more distant Atem becomes. He makes a loud noise of frustration, tears welling up as Atem gets further away until he is there no longer._

 

He must’ve blacked out for a few minutes because when he comes to Yugi is holding him and stroking his hair. His skin is feverish and clammy at the same time. A name that tastes bitter now finds it’s way onto his tongue. Though it does not come out vocally, his lips part to form it.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

He shrugs, only knowing he felt loss deep within him.

 

“Are you in pain, do you need anything?” Feeling comes back into him as he suddenly takes notice of the pillow under the small of his back. He shakes his head negatively to both questions. Yugi continues to gently run his fingers through brown locks. Kaiba doesn’t protest, still waiting for all feeling to return to his body.

 

“I know you miss him too, Kaiba kun.”

 

“I was his…” Rival? Friend? He wasn’t sure if he could qualify as either.

 

After a few minutes of silence Yugi sighs. “Do you think he can see us? That he’s watching?” The tears that had welled up minutes ago spill down his cheeks. He’s ashamed of his actions.

 

He rises from the bed quickly, on legs that struggle to support him. He presses a hand against his mouth, as he staggers out of the room in search of a bathroom. Upon finding one he drops down onto his knees hard a hunches over the bowl. He dry heaves over it, a crumpled mess. He fails to notice Yugi standing over him. When he feels a hand against his back he turns, hoping, hoping once. The despair that engulfs him is palpable.

 

Funny how the great Seto Kaiba was reduced to this.

 

Yugi offers him a hand and he refuses.

 

Atem and him had undeniably had something, though what it was, Kaiba will never know. A fantasy was a fantasy.

 

**Kaiba wished Yugi was wrong.**

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what was actually said and not imagined


End file.
